In desperate need of help?

i fell out of bed around 4 in the morning and since i was already awake i decided to make my way to the bathroom to take a shyyt. as i made my way to the bathroom i slipped on my new dogs steaming hotshyyt and fell down two flights of stairs as i reached the bottom and stood up i felt a warm sensation flowing down my legs and realized i shyyt myself. i live in an apartment building so i left the shyyt there for someone to clean. is there a law against strangling my dog , and does that fall under the five second rule?